


The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by stellarmeadow



Series: Season 3 codas/missing scenes [14]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode 316, Episode Tag, F/M, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 03:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarmeadow/pseuds/stellarmeadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve hoards the truth like diamonds, but who does he deem worthy of receiving them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place right at the end of 3.16, so spoilers for the ep. 
> 
> ~~~

Steve watched Mick hold the door open and help Doris into the car. He ran around to the driver's side and drove off before Steve finally closed the door and went back to the couch.

Cath came back into the room. "He seems nice," she said, sitting back down beside Steve. "How do you know him?"

"Worked with him a few times," Steve said, picking up the remains of his meal and getting off the couch to take it into the kitchen. 

He'd thrown the trash away and was washing his fork when Cath's voice sounded from the doorway. "Okay, what's going on?"

He dried the fork and put it away before turning to face her. "What do you mean?"

Her look said she wasn't buying the innocent act. "Your mom is an attractive woman, Steve," she said. "Sooner or later she was going to get asked out."

"I know." But why did it have to be by the guy he'd hired to find out what she was up to?

"So then what's the problem? It's just a date."

"There is no problem," Steve said, brushing by her to go back into the living room. 

He could feel her watching him as he straightened up the coffee table, picking up his book and holding it like some kind of defensive barrier in front of him. "Steve," she said, finally.

"Cath, let it go."

She touched his arm and he jumped, having missed her crossing the room entirely. "Seriously, what's wrong with one date?"

With the guy he'd trusted to help him figure out what she was hiding. And she'd not only spotted him instantly, she'd fooled one of the best Navy Intel guys he'd ever seen into believing she wasn't up to anything.

Steve knew better.

But he couldn't exactly explain that to Catherine. "Look, Cath, it's been a long day. I just need some sleep, okay?"

He saw the flash in her eyes--hurt or frustration he wasn't sure, it was gone too fast to tell. But she let go of his arm and stepped back. "Yeah, good idea. I really should go back tonight anyway--I have a meeting early."

"You don't have to go," he said, not quite looking her in the eye.

"Yeah," she said slowly, "I really do."

He met her gaze, saw that same flash again before she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Call me tomorrow," she said, grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

He heard the Corvette roar to life and disappear before he realized he was still standing in front of the coffee table, his book in his hand. He dropped it onto the table and sat down, head in his hands. 

The door opened and clicked closed. "Cath, really, I just need some sleep," Steve said.

"Okay," Danny said, "if you're mistaking me for your girlfriend, we need to have a talk."

Steve looked up to see Danny standing there with a six pack. "She's not my girlfriend. But she just left, and I thought...."

"I can leave, if you need your alone time," Danny said, hovering by the door.

"No, it's fine." Steve held out a hand. "Give me one of those and you can stay."

Danny crossed to the couch, putting the Longboards on the coffee table and pulling one out to hand to Steve. "So what happened?" Danny asked as he opened a beer for himself and sat down beside Steve."

"My mother," Steve said, pausing to take a long drink, "is on a date."

Danny paused, his beer to his lips. "A date?" he asked. "With who?"

"Mick." 

"Mick? As in the guy you hired to follow her around, Mick?"

"Yes, that Mick." Steve frowned. "And how did you know that was his name?"

"Because it was on your caller ID when you were talking to him in the car, and unlike you, I am very good with deductive reasoning."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I am excellent with deductive reasoning, thank you very much."

"Oh, really? Because anyone with half a brain cell could've seen that you hiring someone to spy on your mother was going to end badly. I seem to remember telling you that myself. And yet you, you're sitting here looking shell shocked because, hey, look, it ended badly."

"Thank you, Mr. Sensitive for that excellent lecture," Steve said, shifting a little to face Danny. "Any other sound advice you'd like to give?"

"Well, since you asked," Danny said, settling into the corner of the couch, "I happened to see a familiar Vette peeling out of here in a hurry, though. So I'm just wondering what you did to piss your girlfriend off."

Steve sighed. "She's not my girlfriend," he said again.

"Does she know that?"

"You know what, Danny--"

"I'm just saying, she practically lives here, Steve. It's not like most girls wouldn't start making assumptions."

"Cath isn't most girls."

The look Danny gave him was distinctly unflattering to Steve's intelligence. "You may think," Danny said in a low voice, "that wearing a uniform somehow enables all the rest of us to just shut off the emotional part of our brain whenever we want, but we're not all robots like you, Steven."

Something about his words made Steve uncomfortable. Not about Cath--they'd never made any promises to each other. But Danny's tone, and the look that went along with it made Steve's stomach clench a little. "I'm not a robot."

"You've got a bar code stamped on your ass with the letters TX-8000, babe."

"You're hilarious."

Danny gave him a small smile, as much a sign that he was forcing the lightness as his tone had been. "So what did you do to piss your 'absolutely not your girlfriend just a fellow soldier who lives here' off?

"She doesn't live here, she lives on base," Steve said. "And I didn't do anything."

"Then that's the problem--what didn't you do that you should have?"

Steve closed his eyes. He always found it way too hard to lie to Danny. "She thinks I'm hiding something," he said finally, opening his eyes again.

"And are you? Other than the fact that you don't think she's your girlfriend."

Steve tapped his toe for a moment before giving in. "I didn't tell her about Mick."

"That you knew him, or that you were having him follow your mom?"

"I didn't tell her I was investigating Mom."

"Well it can't be because she'd have told you that you were insane, or you'd never have told me."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I didn't tell you, you were there when I talked to him."

"You mean when you called him on your phone which is hooked through the speakers of my car while I was sitting in the car, and therefore knew that I would hear every word?"

Which...he had a point. "So did you come over here to harass me or what?"

Danny, of course, ignored the attempt to change the subject. "So let me get this straight. Not only did you not ask your mother what was up--which, again, may I remind you, I told you was going to end badly--you lied to your girlfriend--"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Whatever. You lied to your friend who is a girl and sleeps with you all the time about it and that backfired on you, too? What a shock!" he said, holding his hand to his heart. "What are you gonna do next, lie to the nice lady who cleans our offices so she'll conveniently forget to vacuum yours for the rest of your life?"

"Danny, you want to talk about women living in my house? Let's talk about my mother." Steve pushed off the couch. "You know, the woman who faked her own death, resulting in the death of my father and Jenna Kaye, among others," he said, pacing along the other side of the coffee table. "The woman who's suddenly waltzed back in here like none of that happened, and yet she's running around the island doing God knows what?"

He stopped, looming over Danny. "So yeah, I hired someone to watch her. Because if I wait for her to tell me the truth, she'll be telling it to my grave. Or worse, the grave of someone else I love."

"So ask her about it."

Steve growled at him. "I did. She told me it was nothing, and I don't believe her."

"Okay, fine, but let me point something out to you. You complain that she lied to you and your father and your sister and she's keeping secrets from you. And yet you're lying to her and keeping secrets from her and from everyone. Have you ever considered that maybe it's just in the DNA?"

"I am not keeping secrets from everyone."

Danny put his beer down and stood, toe to toe with Steve. "Hello, Catherine? In the dark! And I don't see you calling a meeting to clue Chin and Kono in, either!"

"I told you, didn't I?" Steve yelled.

Danny blinked at him. "So, what, does that make me the next in line to take over if something happens to you?" Danny took a quick breath. "Your father tells you right before he's dead, so now you tell me in case something happens?"

"No, that's not it."

"So then why tell me? Why not just keep it from everyone the way you always have before?" Danny's laugh was bitter. "Unless, of course, you needed something, then you gave us just enough to do your bidding."

"That's not true." He'd let Danny in on everything. Chin and Kono on a lot of it, too, but Danny had been there for most of it before Japan, and then since Japan, Steve hadn't dared cut him out again. "I told you I wouldn't shut you out again after Japan. And I've kept my word."

Danny was staring at him, so close Steve could feel him breathe. The air around them suddenly seemed thinner, and Steve's chest felt tight. "And why is that?" Danny asked quietly.

"Because I promised." 

The words were clumsy on Steve's lips, hard for even him to believe, and Danny's expression told him he hadn't bought a single one of them. "Okay," he said, his tone clearly saying the opposite. "That's a start. Glad you at least fulfill your obligations."

"Sarcasm. Cute."

Danny closed his eyes, and Steve could swear he could see him mentally counting to ten. "I'm going to let you reconsider that answer," Danny said suddenly, pushing past Steve with the briefest hint of a touch that made Steve shiver. "You give me a call when you've figured out the real answer, okay?"

He was gone before Steve could even process what he'd said.

***


	2. Chapter 2

Steve flipped through the channels on his TV, drinking the beer Danny had left behind when he'd just walked out with that tone of finality in his last words. Four beers and many hours of crappy TV hadn't driven Danny's question from his mind.

Why had he told Danny?

He hadn't needed to check in with Mick right then. He could've waited until they were somewhere he could make the call privately. And yet he'd done it in a way that Danny would know everything. Deliberately.

It wasn't like he didn't trust Chin and Kono. Or Catherine. She'd put her career on the line to help track down his mother without even blinking an eye. And Chin and Kono would do the same, he knew that.

But Danny was the only one he'd cared to share the full story with.

_Have you ever considered that maybe it's just in the DNA?_

Maybe Danny had a point.

Steve wondered if his mother had had the same problem when she'd first met his father. If she'd struggled with telling him about her secret life with the CIA, and how she'd made her decision to not to tell him. How she'd lived with the secrecy.

As he heard the door open, he realized now was his chance to ask her himself. She was nearly silent as she came in, no doubt thinking that since the lights were off maybe Steve had fallen asleep in front of the TV and she could sneak past him.

He waited until she had closed the door before asking, "How was your date?"

To her credit, she didn't jump. Didn't even flinch; just turned on her heel and faced him. "Lovely," she said. "Your friend is very nice."

"I'm not sure he's my friend, considering recent events."

Her disapproving glare shouldn't affect him, given everything, and yet it still made him feel like he was ten years old and she'd caught him feeding the dog his broccoli. "Maybe he didn't feel right spying on your mother."

"Then he shouldn't have taken the job."

"Or you should've just asked me yourself whatever it is you wanted to know."

Steve eyed her for a long moment. He had asked her a question point blank before, asked her why she'd let Wo Fat go when she could've killed him and ended the threat. Killed the man who'd taken so many people from him. From them. And she'd lied. He knew she'd lied, and Danny had believed it, too.

So no, he couldn't just ask her himself. But he could ask her something.

"Why didn't you tell Dad who you were?"

She blinked. Only one blink, but for her it was as good as a gasp from someone else. "What?"

Her stalling tactic to think of an answer didn't give him much hope for the truth, but he asked again anyway. "Why didn't you tell Dad you were with the CIA? Why'd you let him go on thinking you were just a school teacher? I mean, you faked your own death rather than confide in him about everything."

She took breath, putting her purse on the table by the door before crossing the room to sit next to him on the couch. "Telling him about my past put him in danger," she said. "I couldn't do that. I loved him too much."

"So, what, you loved him enough to lie to him?"

"No, enough to live with the pain of lying to him to keep him safe. There's a difference."

And he saw the difference, he just wasn't sure it was the way she'd want him to see it. "He was a cop," Steve said. "A damn good one. He could've handled the truth. And the danger."

She shook her head. "I couldn't," she said quietly. "I couldn't handle putting him in that kind of danger."

"So you didn't trust him enough not to get killed."

She blinked again. "No, I just...couldn't handle being the reason he got killed."

"Well that worked out well for both of you, didn't it?"

She stood. "It's late and you're..."she raised an eyebrow at the empty beer bottles, "tired. I'm going to bed."

He'd finished most of the beer hours before and had only been nursing the last one for a while, but fine, let her think the alcohol had been the only reason he was willing to ask questions. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Her heels clicked away until he heard the door to her room close. It wasn't as if he didn't understand her reasoning--he'd lost more than enough people to get it. You never wanted to feel like the reason they were gone. If you kept them out of the dangerous parts of your life, they weren't going to get killed in the crossfire.

But if you really loved them, then you trusted them enough to take care of themselves. And you couldn't hide things. No matter how much you might want to protect them.

_You give me a call when you've figured out the real answer, okay?_

Steve got up, slid his feet into his slippers, and checked his pocket for his keys before heading out the front door.

***


	3. Chapter 3

Steve banged on Danny's door, but there was no answer. "Danny!" he yelled, banging again. He saw a light flicker on, and heard footsteps before the door opened. 

Danny stood there, in nothing but boxers, blinking at him. "What the fuck is the matter with you?" he said. "It's two in the morning!"

"I know," Steve said, trying not to get distracted by Danny's near nakedness, "but I figured it out."

He blinked some more. "You better have figured out how to win the lottery or something if you're going to wake me up at two a.m."

"Can I come in?" Steve asked. 

For a second, he thought Danny might actually say no, but then he stepped back, pulling the door open the rest of the way. "Might as well," he said. "Any of my neighbors you didn't wake up with your banging and yelling deserve to stay asleep."

Steve stepped inside, moving far enough into the living room that Danny would have more trouble throwing him out. He waited until Danny had closed the door and come back to stand just a few feet away before saying, "I trust you."

Danny didn't seem impressed. "That's it?" he asked, one hand up in a dismissive gesture. "You came all the way over here and woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you trust me? What else you want to tell me, that you breathe air? That you have an unnatural fascination with anything that explodes or expels ammunition at a high rate of speed? Please, tell me, Steven, because I am all ears."

"No," Steve said, "I trust you." He put his hands on Danny's shoulders, meeting his eyes. "More than my mother trusted my father."

Danny's shoulders tensed under Steve's hands, his eyes searching Steve's. "It's the middle of the night, Steve," Danny said, his tone flat and unreadable. "You're going to have to make more sense."

Figures Danny would make him spell it out. "Mom didn't tell Dad anything about her life. He died trying to find her killer and never knew she was alive and well. She loved him, but not enough to tell him her secrets."

Danny's muscles were like rocks under Steve's touch now. "Your point?" he ground out.

"You told me to call you when I figured out the real answer to why I told you everything."

"So you trust me," Danny said slowly, "but you don't care if I get killed?"

"No." Steve gripped Danny's shoulders, willing him to understand. "I trust you not to get killed."

Danny's eye twitched. "So you trust my skills, too," he said. "That's very nice." 

His tone said otherwise. "No. I mean yes, I trust your skills. But...." Steve looked for the words. He hadn't had any sort of plan coming over here; he'd expected Danny to just get it, the way he always did. But apparently Danny wasn't interested in making things easy for him tonight. 

"But what?"

"But more than that, I trust you. With everything."

"So you keep saying."

He'd barely moved a muscle, other than that twitch, and Steve was getting desperate. He wasn't used to having to use words with Danny, and these words were, without a doubt, the ones that came the hardest to him.

But maybe that was the point. 

He'd told Danny everything lately. Trusted him, even if he knew Danny was going to tell him he was an idiot. He'd still spilled everything, trusted him with all his secrets.

Except this.

"I love you," Steve said quietly. "That's how much I trust you."

Danny's tension eased, and a smile started in his eyes and made its way to his mouth. "I trust you, too," he said, laughter in his voice as he pulled Steve in for a kiss.

Steve thought maybe they should've just started with the kissing, because everything would've been crystal clear if they'd done that. Though the kissing was rapidly leading to Danny undressing Steve, and Steve pulled back with difficulty, a surge of want zinging through him at Danny's dazed eyes and swollen lips. "Bed?" Steve asked hopefully.

Danny nodded, that smile breaking through again as he shoved Steve towards the bedroom. "Definitely bed." 

\---  
END

**Author's Note:**

> Want to learn more about me and my writing? Visit my page at <http://www.jamiemeadowswrites.com/>


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